Saturday, February 24, 2007


It was sometime since my Granny was admitted to a hospital in udupi, my mom had to rush to udupi…I had plans of visiting her so went on with this to visit her on the weekends… I took the bus to udupi rather in a bad mood…. With lots of thoughts in mind… I couldnot sleep for a long time was having a look at the roads outside the window….trying to figure out whats the reason of life and stuffs?

I visited udupi early morning only and directly went to my uncle house… I had some plans for the day but was soooo tired tat I could only end up sleeping half of the day…. It was then I decided to go to malpe beach…..

I reached the beach around 3.30….it was nice to see the beach where I have lots of memories…. After long time I had come here…I saw the sea was a bit tiered of this world it had gone back…but was shure it will come back with big waves after regaining its energy….. I decided to take a small walk along the water….. but I went on for a long way….lots of thoughts were running behind my mind….with no answers for anything…..

I remembered this place….where I used to come once in a year with the entire family…. 5 uncles…aunts and lots of kids… we used to play a lot in the water under the watchful eyes of our parents….now I sit here and see lots of things has changed…all uncles are old and are burdened by the sorrows of life….but still everyone is trying to smile….trying to hide the pain everyone is having….

Certain strange things were coming in my mind…. Every person runs behind god… but no one is doing anything… leaving everything on god… felt bad for people fighting in the name of god… I have been practicing my cast since my birth but now feel like I am not able to see the god in the stones any more….when I can see god in the people I felt there is no point in running around temples… one of my uncle is a doctor…. I remember him teaching me good values in life…. Holding my hand and teaching me what I wanted to know… I remember my athe… sitting with me and teaching me in my school days…. But felt sooooo bad thinking about their phase now…my uncle the lone bread earner for the family is paralyzed and at home … I could learn lots from the still shining eyes of my athe.. in my view she is a lady of toughness whoz not going to give up her fight…I know what she has done and I have lots of respect for her ever since… she is very close to me… so I still kid around her….trying to pull her leg so that she comes to me and squeeze my ears…

Everything came to my mind … times when I used to write with a small pencil.. my first fight with my father for a hero pen…. In my 5th standard… I was beaten a lot for a 25rs pen which was very expensive at that time, but my father was soooo caring even though it was very difficult time for him at that time he got me a hero pen that evening itself…. I used this pen till my 12th and it was my lucky pen for a longtime….

Remembered this beach were in we used to eat a packet of mandakki…and still were lots satisfied…. So went and had a pack of mandakki no use I couldnot find that taste might be because I missed those days where in had value for everything…..a pack of mandakki would keep us happy for long days? I don’t know what happend to those days? I could feel the pain in every human being…every one had his own problems of life…. But felt like everyone is lost…. No one knows how to come out of the same…. And are directionless running behind god for help…. What can he do for every one? Felt like he has stopped serving people but still people don’t want to give up and trying to pursue him. I felt like people are forgetting what they need to do… felt like if I don’t do pooja and help a person in need will the god be angry on me? I don’t think so…

I could feel a lot…. like kids of a mother… want to take care of her but still not able to do so and fight against each other blaming each other but no one is ready to take the task… and the mother lying on the bed unaware of everything what her own kids for whom she had given her life is thinking of her…. I don’t want to blame anyone… because felt like that’s the life of a common man trying to forget and shed an old leaf for the sake of a hosa chiguru…. Feelings are lot different when compared to the action…. Every one feels bad for person in misery but how many stands by it ? I could feel the mother asking her kids to take care of her….. but everyone are simply lost….a cry which required lot of understanding and service…. But the kids r tying their best….

I could see the sun going down felt like this is life….rises at one end and goes down at the other…. Doing something in between…felt like the mother is a drowning sun… at one point felt she is not able to hear anything but on the other end I saw a drop of tear dropping from her eyes….felt like she is feeling everything but still soooo helpless….

Sat on the beach, took out my camera taking some good snaps of the sunset started walking back putting my head down…. Thinking I need to act now…

While coming back met and old grany….in the bus stop…she asked for food I gave her 2rs… she gave back the money telling she is in no need of money and asked me to give something to eat… I felt sooo bad and gave her 10rs but felt bad like I could have given her more… and told her I don’t have anything to eat so please take this money and have some food…she asked me were am I traveling to …and blessed me….felt bad for the granny and hugged her…. She left wishing me and next day I was back to my routine life working…. But still sleeping every night giving a thought…

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